I am working full-time this week and you know what? I kinda like it. It’s funny because when I initially entertained the thought of leaving my baby for one day a week I was all teary and “she needs me!” but I quickly came to enjoy my Mondays at work. And while it’s a little crazy getting my both my hair brushed and Avelyn’s face and hands deblueberrified* before 8 am, I find that once I’m at the office I am feeling great and Avelyn really doesn’t even seem to notice my absence. I know that deep in her heart she must feel this aching void, this “ou est ma mere?!” sensation but she seems to hide it a little too well.
I seem to be an amphibious** mother and worker. When I am at home building block towers with Avelyn and doing ridiculous dances to coax a giggle out of her I feel happy and as though I’m in the right place. But then when I step into the office, sink into my chair, poise my hands above the keyboard and begin working I feel as though I’m in the right place too. I don’t think I am ready for full-time work on a consistent basis yet (I’m just covering three weeks of holiday time this summer for our full-time secretary) but I am understanding how working helps so many moms feel more balanced in their identities. That’s not to suggest that those who choose to stay at home are missing out; I am just surprised at my personal experience and how much I’ve enjoyed going back to work after I was already so enjoying my time at home.
In other news, my kid hasn’t slept through the night in eight months and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what happened to the sleepy cherub who, from months 2-5, slept for blissful 11-hour stretches. She left in a huff and in her place came a baby who wakes up at least once, if not more frequently, in the wee hours of every morn, demanding a bottle of milk. I am pretty well used to our midnight routine now but am growing weary of stumbling, bleary-eyed, into the kitchen to warm a bottle, chuck it into her crib and pray fervently that she’ll suck herself to sleep. I know that we’ve created a monster. It’s a habit for her to want a middle-of-the-night bottle but it’s just been so much easier than having to deal with crying it out, or what have you. I am not opposed to crying it out, but I’d like to try some gentler methods first. Any of you seasoned veterans care to share what worked for you and your families in convincing your babes to sleep through the night?
PS: No horror stories of your eight year old who still gets up three times a night, OK?
*She is addicted to blueberries. I am considering an A&E Intervention. I kid you not when I say that there have been a few days this week when 95% of her diet has consisted of blueberries: one morsel of toast, then a bowl of blueberries. One bite of ham, then a high-chair tray full of blueberries. The diaper changes have been a tad disturbing.
**For the record, I hate that word. Because I loathe amphibians. Specifically, salamanders. When I was young we lived near a man-made lake and one year they dumped a bunch of salamanders in it to, I don’t know, help the marine biology or something. Well, they all escaped…and then shrivelled up and died on the sidewalks. We’d be walking to school, weaving our paths through the salamander carcasses. It was a troubled childhood I led.
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what? no pics of Avelyn covered in blueberries?
Like I always tell my husband, people who eat a cup of blueberries a day will live long and healthy lives!
I opted to give her a popsicle today instead of blueberries for our treat…hench the large ‘portstain birthmark looking thing’ on her side! Sorry. But we did have fun.
Meant hence!
We did the cry it out method. It isn’t for everyone, but it worked well for us. I can tell my daughter is more rested now because she doesn’t need me to help her fall back to sleep.
We aren’t there yet, but since Maggie is still on the boob we are staring down the barrel of similar future (although for us at 10 months she is FINALLY sleeping more then 4 hours at a time).
Anyway, one suggestion for BF weaning is to allow them to drink for shorter and shorter times, and (in theory) eventually she won’t bother to get up at that time. So maybe every 3-4 days put an oz. or two less in the bottle?
Oh, and since I don’t have a blog, can I just say here that Maggie got her first(!) tooth today! And she showed no signs of teething – it just popped through this afternoon!
And finally, Maggie’s two favorite foods are blueberries and black beans – the diapers could be from a science fiction horror story!
I think it’s great that you get to experience full time working and full time motherhood and find what you like. I too love the feeling of being completely happy when at home and completely happy at work. I wasn’t completely happy when I only had one of those titles.
I too let my girls cry it out. It lasted three nights with each of them and then they slept peacefully since. It really is harder on the parents than the kids, but it’s all up to how long you want to work on getting a full night’s rest. Good luck with finding a solution that works for you.
I’d say just let Steve deal with it. Kidding Kidding..that’s mean. I have no advice becuase Brad rarely cries at night so I never really have to deal with it. BUt what I was going to say was that I’m glad you’re enjoying being back at work and that it’s a more positive experience than you had initially anticipated. I wish I was there to pop in with a fresh diet coke and glass of ice from the Beanery!
Have you tried just giving her water in the night. She may decide it isn’t worth waking up for, but for a few nights I am sure she will be less than happy. My advice, if you want it, is break this habit before she can get out of her bed. The older they are the harder it is. Just when you think you have it made she will find another reason to be up. Brooklyn has bad dreams about “pretend monsters”.
Uh, we followed the “babywise” philosophy from the start. If you’re sure Avelyn is getting enough calories during the day then I’d say its just a habit & the “babywise” book would say to cry it out. That would be hard to do though but we might have to do it for the soother pretty soon too. However, Micah sleeps beautifully. 12 hours at night & 2 hrs in the morning & 1.5 hrs in the afternoon. Go Babywise!
I know other peeps who have done both the reducing the amount given at night gradually & changing it to water. I think both have worked. Your sleep is worth it!
We had to let Mr Boo cry it out. It was horrible – for two nights (he was younger though) and since then we’ve had to let him cry it out on occasion when we’ve realized he’s picking up bad habits.
I’d try what other people have said about reducing the formula or trying water first though. Can’t hurt…
Looks like you have great advice already – and you just need to do what you’re comfortable with.
With all of this working you’re doing, we need to set another lunch date! :)
No suggestions, I am farther down the mountain of parenting than you. No shame about working full time, if you feel like the Lord has given you peace in both places then you are walking in obedience….how can you argue with that?
I don’t even want to know what her poop looks like. Probably like the bird poo we scrape off our car after they have eaten berries….NAST!
When I was going through this with my little one (I am too mus a sucker to let her cry it out) My mother suguessted giving her a lot of food before she went down for the night. s I started pumping the girl full of yogurt (maybe you can try blueberry) anyway it fills the tummys up and keeps them full. she has slept through the night every night sense. Other then the ones I forget of course :)
Also I know EXACTLY what you mean about the work thing. I work 3 jobs full time and then 2 side jobs (to make ends meat) and as much as I miss her knowing I am out there trying and showing (even at the ripe ol age of 1) her that you need to work hard it gives me a sense of pride. Of course there are times I just want to run to her and cry because I wish I could hold my baby all day but we all do the best we can… (that was spouse to be a lite hearted essy you go girl at the end of my adcive and I guess you struck a nerve. or I did?
wow Spell check KYLEI spell check :(
forgive its early and my booty has a sun burn.
good excuse??
I’m a little envious of your weekly office date….I’m more than ready to get out of the house to earn a little money and use my brain.
As for any advice……we too had children that thought they needed to eat at all hours. I hated letting them cry it out. We had a talk, our 1 1/2 year old and me, that went well. That night I got up but didn’t bring a bottle and rubbed his back until he gave up….2 nights of this he gave up. You’ll find what works best for you and your family…..good luck.
I don’t have any advice that hasn’t already been given. We ended up doing the whole ‘cry it out’ gig at 7 months and have a fairly good sleeper on our hands. He does occasionally wake up around 4:00 to eat, but usually goes back down without a peep. We’ve had to revisit the initial bedtime cry a few times when things have been a little out of whack, but overall it worked well for us. Of course it is not for everyone, and I would have loved to find a gentler approach, but nothing else was working for us.
We love blueberries around here. I was beginning to wonder if he could survive off blueberries alone because much of the time it is all he wants to eat. Makes for some lovely diapers.
My first boy nursed every 2-4 hours around the clock until he was 8.5 months. We used water in the bottle from daddy to break the night time feeding. Our second slept great until he was 6 months old and then did the night time bottle thing. We had to use crying it out, going in there just made him worse. He’s 20 months old and if he wakes before we go to bed he usually gets another cup of milk, but after that it’s just a cuddle.
Good luck!
We had to do “cry it out” with our second son (the first one was fine and slept through from 10 weeks on …) anyway, Tyler was almost 10 months old and waking 2 or 3 times a night and then getting UP for the day at 5.30am!! I was going a bit nutty and thinking about how I would cope with going back to work when he turned one. So we did let him cry. It took 2 or 3 nights and he’s slept through every night since (apart from when he’s been sick) and he’s almost 3 now.
de-lurking to say that Avelyn sounds like she’s in the same sleep pattern as our Bean was – she slept through the night 12 hours a night until she was 8 months old, and then up at least once a night, wanting to eat. We attributed it to growth/developmental spurts and we let it go on until it felt more like ‘habit’ than need (I think somewhere around 13 months, after she had mastered crawling and walking). Then we did a modified cry-it-out… we went into her room to tuck her in at 1 minute intervals (5x), then at 2 minute intervals (5x) and then at 3 or 4 minute intervals depending on how upset she was. The first night it only took about 30 minutes, and steadily improved after than until she just goes back to sleep on her own now! Good luck!
We’ve been dealing with this topic in our house too (and I’ve been kvetching about it on my blog). Instead of doing the cry-it-out method maybe try night weaning her of bottles- go in, rock her, give her paci, but no milk.
This worked for us. When Marin (10 months) was no longer getting so much milk during the night/wee morning hours, she began to consume more calories during the day. Then she was no longer hungry at night.
We are on day 4 of nightweaning, and it’s going great. This method also worked for our twins. And! There’s no guilt for crying it out, because even though she might initially protest the no milk, she’s not alone screaming. She’s being comforted. It’s worth a try, right?
A more detailed night wean plan is on my blog (most entries from this last week)… I’m kinda sick of hearing myself talk about it, so I’ll shut it now. Hope something works for you! Good luck!
Hey! First time poster – but I’ve been reading for awhile – i’m just typically too busy to post.
I have an almost 10 month old – and we are going through the EXACT same thing. He slept better at 10 weeks than he does now. So, no real suggestions from me. The only thing I’m really doing different is NO Sugar after 5ish. And that really mean no fruit, juice or anything with more than say 5g of sugar.
And I wanted to let you know that you were my motivation to start weight watchers. I had been thinking about it for a while, and when you started – i figured, why don’t I go for it too. So, I’m down another 6 lbs – I was stuck for awhile w/o losing more.
We are having problems with Lance sleeping and he is 15 months. Some nights we makes it all night and other nights he is up at 4 or 5, and then one night this week he was up every 3 hours. We have tried to let him cry it out, but after 45 minutes we usually give in because no one is sleeping and if we go and get him we all can go back to sleep. Good luck finding something that works, and if it makes you feel any better, we are right there with you, not sleeping.
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