So, I’ve been feeling so happy and relieved since finding out that our baby girl is healthy and well. All day yesterday I would stop, look at Steve, and say, “Our baby is OK!” It’s a wonderful feeling. We went into the ultrasound hoping for the best but prepared for the worst. I am so thankful for the good news, but I feel like this journey of letting go has been a good one for me to take. Again, thank you all so much for your support and love. It means so much.

The actual ordeal of going for the ultrasound was much more uncomfortable this time than the last. My appointment was at 9 a.m. in Kelowna which meant I had to finish drinking a litre of water by 8 a.m. and not go pee until after the ultrasound was done. I chugged my water at 7:55 and then sloshed my way to the car with Steve. Kelowna is about 45 minutes away from us. By the time we were 15 minutes into the drive, I started to feel the urge to pee. 30 minutes into the drive my legs were crossed and I was clenching fiercely. Upon our arrival to the Kelowna hospital I was on the verge of tears and asked Steve if he could drop me off at the door for fear I wouldn’t make it through the walk across the parking lot without soaking my shorts. I hobbled to the reception desk and told the lady that I was there for an ultrasound but that if I didn’t pee a little I was going to make a big mess. She directed me to the bathroom where I sat down and told myself to pee for five seconds. I needed to make sure I still had enough liquid in my bladder so we could get an accurate viewing of our baby.

I peed. One mississippi, two mississippi, threeeeeeee mississssssssissippeeeeee, four…I tried to stop at five, but couldn’t turn off the tap until seven. And when I stopped I wanted to cry. I still had so much left to release and was still in pain, but I also felt like I had failed and was a terrible mother who couldn’t even put her own needs above those of her baby.

I then met Steve in the ultrasound room and I told the technician that I was really uncomfortable. She said, “Get up on the table and we’ll see how full your bladder is.” Then she looked and saw that it was as big as a football and was actually impeding the image of the baby and she ordered me to go and fill up a half-litre cup with pee.

I did so willingly.

And it was pure bliss.