Remember the days when Saturday Night Live was actually funny? Those were good times. One of my favourite parts of SNL was the segment called Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy. I know that not everyone appreciates this kind of humour, but a few years ago I printed off pages upon pages of Deep Thoughts and would try to read them to people. The problem was, I found them so side-achingly hilarious that I couldn’t get through a single one without breaking into fits of laughter. I am just like my mom in that regard. Whenever I try to tell a joke or funny story, I choke on its hilarity and end up laughing so hard that I cry. All the while, people are waiting to hear the joke or story. Then when I finally tell it to them, they are disappointed because it wasn’t nearly as funny as they had thought it would be. Owell. Here are some Deep Thoughts to get your weekend started:
-If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “Probably because of something you did.”
-As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable – until I realized it wasn’t a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!
-Laurie got offended that I used the word “puke.” But to me, that’s what her dinner tasted like.
-When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we’d all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn’t until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
-The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I’ll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn’t get more meat, I’ll just say, “Oh, you mean this?” and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I’ve hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?
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ugh … I don’t know if you remember Daniel but he printed off pages and pages of those Deep Thoughts to and would read them to us. Jordan thought they were hilarious. I may have laughed once. And probably just to fit in.
the ‘God is crying’ one always makes me laugh.
and lots of the other ones do too!
I love Jack Handey! I too have pages of “deep thoughts” in random places. I wish they’d make a coffee table book that I could peruse for hours on end laughing until my sides ached. Then I could leave it out so others could enjoy…not half as much as I would, as usual.
I love him too. I could hear his voice in my head as I was reading those quotes…so funny…
:)
My Sister has gotten Justin and I hooked on Jack Handy! HaHAHAAHAHaAHAHahaH…and I tell stories the SAME way!!
OH I love Jack Handy- I forget most of the deep thoughts, but one of my favourites is
“To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other”
I agree through, SNL used to be sooo much better (In the days of Will Ferrell)
Jack Handy is awesome!! Tianna introduced me to that wonderful world of ridiculousness a few years ago. Me and Kendra used to sit reading them to each other, peeing our pants laughing while baking cookies! Fun times. I agree, they should put out a coffee table book.
Jay Leno’s headlines are funny too…
My favorite was Will Ferrel… MORE COWBELL!! That was one of my favorite skits. Travis’ favorite’s are.. take a wild guess…. Nick Burns- the company’s computer guy! After learning about computers from Travis, I find them quite funny too. But the funniest part is watching him laugh.
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