The Second Phase of our province’s reopening plan launched this week and it is simultaneously exhilarating/terrifying.

I have also been working a lot more than I was a month ago and have been reminded of how much I truly love my job, but also it feels a bit scary to be navigating and assessing risk with going into many different people’s homes and also maintaining physical distance from clients while we look at the properties together.

And then there are all of the varied levels of vigilance that people we know and love are practicing or not and it’s so hard to find what the new normal is supposed to look like. Schools are going to be reopening in June for kids to attend one day per week (two days for Brin) but we have decided we won’t be sending the girls back for that. But then, we have met with another family to go for a bike ride and it feels wonderful/scandalous at the same time. I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING! What’s ok? What’s not? Cases are very low in our area and there have been no new cases reported for a few days…but the virus isn’t just gone. It didn’t disappear. So it’s this weird swirl of impending doom/beautiful hope.

Last week I picked up some takeout sushi (food that I didn’t make tastes extra divine after two months of non-stop cooking) and we ate at the park and then went thrifting.

(To clarify about the gloves…I follow proper protocol and only wear one pair per transaction. I remove them with proper technique before I get back into my vehicle. Being married to a farmer who happens to be an expert on safe pesticide handling is handy, it turns out.)

Anyone else finding it hard to re-enter life and still feel like you’re making wise choices? A couple months ago, if we ran out of fresh fruit, I’d bellow at the children, “You can gnaw on some frozen rhubarb stalks from last year, we’re NOT leaving the house to buy you bananas! This is the SECOND GREAT DEPRESSION!” but now I’m like, “Um, I want bananas” and then I pop out to the local grocery store for them and also maybe some kombucha. It feels disorienting and guilt-inducing to make non-essential outings now that we whittled down what the essentials truly are and lived within those bounds for multiple months.

I also see my all-or-nothing mentality creeping in when I think, “Well, since I have already been out with clients and entering strangers’ homes…we should probably just get a few families together and have a big party and share a huge communal plate of nachos!”

(Note: we aren’t going to do that.)

But do you know what I mean? Feeling like, “Well, now that we aren’t perfectly quarantined, we are exposing ourselves to some level of risk, but it’s super hard to quantify so how about we just try our best to be smart but also maybe let’s let our kids see some friends?” But then you second guess your choices and feel guilty/scared afterwards?

Anyhoo. I think we are all going to need to remember to be extra kind and gracious with ourselves and each other as we step into this strange new world.

How do you feel about things opening up again?