Most days I’m happily treading water, running from task to task, need to need, poopy diaper to poopy diaper. I am running all day long: tending to three kids and a messy house and hungry husband, the real estate textbooks that summon my attention, the body that is ready to be taken care of with proper nutrition and exercise after a four year hiatus, 17 mounds of laundry, my deep desire to maintain quality friendships and connections with friends near and far, and the creative outlets (writing, mainly) I need to keep me sane.
But some days, even with my most determined and frantic flailing, I’m not successfully treading anymore; my face is dropping below the surface for a bit too long and I come up gasping for breath. I can’t do it all, or do it all well, and that’s a harsh reality. I am not struggling with depression or anything deeply serious, but there are times when I just stand in the middle of the kitchen feeling as though I am being pulled in thirteen different directions and pieces of me are splattering all over the (sticky, unmopped) floor.
And then I beat myself up for all the things I’m not naturally good at. The main thing is the aforementioned messy house. I was a lousy housekeeper long before we had kids, but now that I’ve had the SAHM title for a few years it feels as though I should have mastered the art of domesticity. Nothing could be further from that, though. I can’t seem to keep it all together and while I can mostly just shake it off, laugh about how I’m a domestic disaster, I do start to feel like a failure and the negative self-talk starts to get a little louder: “You’re lazy. How hard is it to clean a house? Not very, and yet you’re always fighting the squalor, barely keeping the counters wiped and the toilets pee-stain free. You SUCK.”
That kind of self-talk doesn’t really boost the morale, does it? And then I sink a little deeper and start picking apart my squooshy body parts, my ill-behaved children and it’s easy to all of a sudden feel like I suck at EVERYTHING.
I know that’s not true, and I am coping better than I thought I would in many regards. But I am just trying to do so much, be so much, that sometimes it’s all just a little too much.
You know?
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I know. I so know.
ME, TOO.
I hear ya!
Um, AMEN! (and it probably took time out of your neverending list to write out this post that will allow mothers everywhere to heave a sigh of relief that they are not the the only ones. So… thank you!
ps- the dust bunnies at my house are so huge lately that I can catch them in my hand. For reals.
Amen! This was the exact post I needed this morning! It reminds me that I am not the only one.
Oh, I do, I DO.
Being a SAHM (or a mom in general) is HARD – add the expectations of the clean house, the perfect nutritious meal, and the well-behaved children and it’s near impossible.
Set small goals – or even a singular goal – in a day or a week and reward yourself when you accomplish them/it. Like a high-five in the mirror or something. I always set the bar too high and I’m never able to reach it and then I sit on the couch or lay in bed feeling like the worst failure in the world.
Just so you know, though, I think you’re pretty awesome. xoxo
Yes yes yes and I only have 1/3 the children as you! I struggle with so much and, yet, don’t want to put anything down. It’s the story of my life and I wonder if I’ll ever figure it out.
One of the reasons I love your blog so much is that you are REAL, and a post like this just proves it. There are way too many blogs out there where people try to make themselves look perfect.
I was a SAHM for 4 years and not until my son went to school was I finally able to keep the house clean.
I’m pretty sure it’s not even possible to keep a house clean with the number and ages of kids you have. Just think in the future when you’ll have all those extra hands to HELP you!
I have one 6 month child, and feel like this everyday. I am surprised every minute by how HARD being a good mom is, while trying to keep every else together ie, the house, the dog, the husband, laundry, classes, me….
The fact that you even wanted to have more children gives me such hope. You give me hope. You are actually my HERO.
You don’t hear many moms “keeping it real”. I think many of us sugar coat the details to keep up appearances. Hang in there! Soon you will have 3 little housekeepers to give great BIG chore lists. :)
[…] how each and every time I have failed, don’t expect too much. Do you read Kickyboots? Her post yesterday just about sums up the way I feel most days. Between 12-14 hour work days three days a week and […]
Oh I’m not even a mom and I have those fights with myself. But part of my new years resolution is to stop worrying about the things that don’t really matter (like a spotless house) and focus on the true priorities in life. My aunt gave me some great housekeeping advice: “just keep the house clean enough so you don’t get sick”. I say don’t worry so much about that and put your energy into your beautiful family, your health, your friends – you know, the things that can’t be replaced. The rest works itself out. I don’t know you, but you seem like an amazing person, so remember to give yourself the credit you deserve!
And then when life does start to get under control, your hamstrings give out.
I hear ya sista! Some days I really loathe the SAHM title…especially when the husband gets home from work and mutters it while looking around the squallor.
You can always tell when I’ve washed the floors….cause there will be milk spots from one end of the house to the other. Why do sippy cups only leak AFTER you’ve washed the floor?
I do know. I do. I work 12 hour shifts three days a week and stay home with Avelyn the other 4. It is exhausting to come home each and every shift at midnight to a messy house and spend my next day off either cleaning it or too lazy to do anything and then feel guilty all day because I can’t do everything all the time by myself. I loved this post though. Today I am inspired to actually NOT clean anything, mess be damned, and let her paint at the easel while I waste time on the internet, something I never ever ever make time to do anymore :) This motherhood gig is no joke, eh?
I’m so with you on this one. Seriously. Days like today, when my 2-year-old is sick and my 6-month-old isn’t napping, I just want to throw in the towel. I feel so weary and overwhelmed. On the housekeeping front, one thing that helps me is set the timer for 15 minutes, turn the music up, ignore the children and power clean. It’s amazing what I can get done racing the clock. Ridiculous it requires a timer, but for some reason it helps me.
From someone who has been there I just want to let you know that it IS normal and that it WILL NOT last forever.
If you’re looking for advice this is what got me through it: God, chocolate and wine. Of course, different strokes for different folks and all that.
One day they’ll go off to school and you can get a breath of air for a few hours.
One day the kids will be old enough to make them clean the house. And you will be a very responsible mother for making them learn how to do it. Yay chores!
But in the meantime, while it still is a juggle and a struggle, hang in there knowing you’re in good company. Prayers!
Keep your chin up! You’ve got a hugely productive life and a lot of responsibility. You’re doing great!
You don’t suck! In fact I think it’s pretty much the opposite of that, you rock! You have children who are happy, loved and understand the value of a good sibling squable (at least that’s how I justify our girls fighting. All the fights I had with my brother taught me how to bring it, and also, how to pull out some wicked awesome sympathy tears!). You’re busy, you’re attempting to learn something new with a NEWBORN in your house, while most are just trying to think about wearing something clean and you managed to survive bootcamp this morning. From where I stand you’re doing great!
Hang in there, I hope tomorrow feels better.
messy house- i understand, prior to children or when I just had one who wasn’t mobile the house looked nice- now I can’t keep up, don’t get down, your messy house is evidence that you are spending time with your kids and they you are actually using your house, a lot of people with clean, perfect houses are never home and spend all their time cleaning.
You know I know. And you know I think you’re going a FABULOUS job. Love you!
People always say “oh, don’t worry about the messy house, it means you’re being a good mom” or “my house was messy too when my kids were small” (thanks mom) and other things… but I have lots of friends with properly adjusted kids (ie. they spend enough time together) who have clean houses. So, it pretty much just boils down to “I suck”. I feel like I could have written this post you just wrote. It is so me. *sigh*
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