This photo* was taken last year when we were at our church’s annual Family Camp. That weekend goes down in history as the pinnacle of Avelyn’s difficult stage and the entire experience was filled with embarrassing meltdowns, irrational tantrums, unbearable clinginess, and mind-numbing hopelessness. I doubted she would ever grow up to be anything more than a demanding brat, and I feared I was failing miserably at motherhood.
Shortly after that weekend I was told about the book “Connected Parenting” and I felt as though it were written for our family directly. I started implementing some of the author’s techniques and we saw noticeable changes in Avelyn very quickly. Oh, how I needed to see that: the potential for something better than barely scraping by. It’s been almost a year since then and I cannot believe the strides she has made. She is a sweet girl with an astounding memory and imagination, a laugh that bubbles out of her with ease, a fiery will that she’s ready to defend at all times, a gentleness with animals and her younger sister, a sensitive soul that needs honouring, and a free spirit that loves that loves to dance in the rain.
The other night we were sitting in the living room, moving boxes everywhere and the house in a state of disarray, and Steve put some music on while he was setting up the stereo system. Avelyn, Karenna and I all started dancing together and it was a moment I’ll never forget. Karenna was buck-naked wearing nothing more than a pair of mary-janes, Avelyn was in her princess jammies, and we were spinning and dancing and jumping and laughing. After that, I sat on the couch and Avelyn brushed my hair softly, telling me how pretty and long it’s getting.
It might not sound like much, perhaps even border on cheesy, but an evening like that, after so many years of meltdowns and unrelenting discipline and wearying doubts about my parenting skills, was perfect. To be able to enjoy our girls, see them grow into kind souls and dance like funky white girls in our new living room…worth it all.
*Photo, again by Angella.
13 Comments
This post made me smile. I don’t know you personally, but I have always enjoyed how you honour your kids through your posts. You don’t sugar coat when they can be little hellions, but you always circle back to how beautifully they are created and their purpose in your life.
What a great update! When I saw you mention that book, I thought I should add it to my list of books to read, but it seems I already put it there after you mentioned it the first time! I really must get me a copy.
SO awesome to hear!!
I think I’m going to have to buy that book. Liliana is quite similar to how you described Avelyn at that age and I think I’m going to have to commit myself soon.
I’m glad you had such a great evening. :)
Oh, how I love that girl. (And you, and Karenna, and maybe even Steve a little bit.)
(I’m almost like the official Brown photographer!) :)
Oh, I am so glad to hear it. I remember reading your frustration and feeling so, so heartbroken for you. What a difficult time. But you’ve come through! Joy! She must be a darling. Hugs.
She sounds like she’s going to be the biggest defender of her little sisters, the champion of the underdog, and that she’s going to stand up and be proud of what she believes in :)
Hi Amanda, delurking (per Angella’s suggestion!) to say I love your blog and I love this post. Your honesty as a mother is inspirational.
Beautiful post. You deserve nights like those and I pray that they happen often for you and your family. I love to read your blog, rarely comment, but wanted you to know :)
Thanks for writing about this moment for you. It made my heart smile to imagine it.
Glad to read this :-) I don’t have children (yet) and I’ve always appreciated your honesty.
Toooootally tearing up reading this. So good. :)
It’s amazing as these little girls grow up what awesome little people they are. I was just saying the other day, as Bethany (and Audrey but she’s entering not leaving tantrumville) get’s older she’s become a fantastic little friend and buddy. It makes me want so many more.
I’m so glad that a year later you can enjoy your little girl and that you found a system that works so well for you!
Oh you! As someone who sees you parent pretty much everyday, you are doing a spectacular job. It’s amazing how you can calm her down using your mirroring tactics…it really is a marvel. Great job supermom!!
P.S. This is the second blog post that has brought me to tears….stop doing that!
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