Last week Steve and I got to talking about how we both feel as though we’ve been on auto-pilot for much of the past year: when he comes home from work, he plunks his lean rear on the couch and zones out in front of the news for a couple hours while I have my face buried in the laptop as I try to make dinner and the children are at their worst as the witching hour(s) approaches. We are all in the same room, but not really connecting. Yes, we’re tired: Steve works so hard and always has a dozen projects on the go; I am exhausted from the needs of two very challenging and demanding little girls. So we’ve kind of justified this zoned-out behaviour by saying “these years are extra hard, so we just have to get through them, and then it will be better” and allowing ourselves those things that give us a break in the day that we feel we need.
However…
We both agreed that this isn’t really the life we envisioned for our family, and that while it’s easy to rationalize the tv/computer escapes, we know that we’ve developed some habits that could be hard to break a few years from now and we don’t want to miss out on the moments we’re in.
So, we’ve made some changes. Nothing rigid or strict, we’ve just been more conscious of our choices and have been making an effort to turn off the television, shut down the laptop, and connect as a family. And it’s been amazing. I have also been implementing some of the philosophies found in Connected Parenting and we have been blown away by the positive changes we’ve seen in Avelyn. I cannot say enough about this book, and I think that everyone would benefit from reading it, especially those with particularly challenging children.
With the computer closed and the tv off, I’ve been busy with real life and even though there are still moments of frustration and exhaustion in my parenting experience, they aren’t defeating me like they used to.
We’ve been hosting play dates, decorating sugar cookies, perfecting puzzles, having friends over for dinner, reading books, and colouring.
We still have a long ways to go, but it feels so good to be a little closer to the life we had hoped for.
19 Comments
That is awesome. We’ve gone through those same zoned-out spells, and they’re always so hard to break out of. I think I need to read that book.
Amanda – I couldn’t agree more. The amount of time I used to spend online is directly proportional to so much lost family time. xo Babe!
That is so good to hear someone making a conscious effort to really connect with their family. I am definitely checking out that book.
Great post. I think we all fall into this pattern. I know I do. So tonight, instead of having dinner at the table in front of the tv, we’ll be having dinner on the porch where we can enjoy the night air and each other’s company.
Awesome!!!
I am so glad for you guys. So glad!
But how will i be entertained if you’re not on the mac? Ok, lets make a deal…you should install a webcam in the living room and then do funny things as a family. Like dress up in fairy costumes and dance around. Make sure steve does it too, cause that’ll be the icing on the cake!
mmm…cake.
K, so deal?
What a wonderful, honest statement. I need to do that more often. I can’t count the number of times Craig and I sit and watch tv and I have the laptop as well. We’re together, but we’re not together. Thanks for being willing to share such a great lesson.
I do have to admit that since I got my laptop I am on it in which ever room I am in. Not so good for the family time. Maybe I will follow your example!!!
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It’s so great to hear positive news from you that you’re feeling better lately. I hope it keeps up! :)
I have been making an effort lately to make sure the TV is off more than on and making sure that I limit the time I spend online to nap times. Nothing I have ever done has had such a positive impact on my children’s attitudes. It is amazing!
That is awesome!!! Love the photo :)
I just ordered the book. Thanks for sharing–you give me hope!
WE HAVE TO DO THAT.
Wow, it’s like you’ve been spying on our family! We are going through the same issues and realizing that technology, while great for some things, are ultimately pulling our family apart. As a result we are discontinuing cable service and having “family time” from 6-9pm, with no computer & TV. The only thing I dread is the initial withdrawal symptoms. ;)
This is so great for you and your family! I hope you have been having lots of fun. My husband and I have the same problem. I’m tired after a long day with a newborn and 5 animals and he is tired after 12 hours of working a stressful job. We also agreed that although we need our down time, we don’t have to be glued to the tv/computer all the time. Sometimes a nice walk with the dogs (and baby, duh!) so we can get out of the house is a good thing.
Awesome. This IS a busy time of life, and sometimes we’re just plain unprepared for that big of an adjustment. It’s awesome that you guys are taking the initiative together. God bless.
That sounds great! Life is so much more fun, isn’t it?
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