Last Friday I found myself sitting around a table with a few women from different age groups and walks of life. The conversation turned to that of weight and body image and our personal experiences in both matters.
A woman in her forties confided, “I was always the fat sister in a family where thinness was held in high regard. I have never been at the weight I wanted to be, but I have wasted the past 20 years trying to get there. I wonder how much time I’ve wasted worrying about my weight and food, and how I’ve cheated myself and others from so much as a result.” This woman is beautiful. I have always thought she carried herself with a regal air, and she is not at all overweight.
Another woman spoke, “Growing up, my mom was always unhappy with how she looked. She was always griping about her weight and going on a new diet. Now I find that I’m the say way.”
One shared, “When I was 15 and rail-thin I was wearing a top that showed off a hint of my midriff and I’ll never forget my mother telling me that it was time I started doing some stomach crunches.”
I had some real thinking to do.
My struggles with eating began when I was 16. If you do the math, it’s been ten years since then and in that decade there have only been a few tiny slivers of time when I have actually felt happy with my weight. The rest of the time I have either been dieting, or starving, or crazily exercising, or overeating, or swinging madly between all of the extremes. When I did Weight Watchers two years ago, it was one of the best things I’ve ever done: it taught me about nutrition and what it really means to eat a balanced and healthy diet. It’s a good program, but I feel like I kind of let it get away on me this time. Far too much of my time and energy has been spent focused on my weight and on the foods I’m eating or not eating. When I weigh myself in the mornings, the number determines my mood for the day and I don’t like that. It’s been months since I’ve sat down for a meal with my family and eaten the same thing they have.
I need some time off. To stop writing about weight loss. To stop thinking that life will really start when I lose those last ten pounds. To stop spending so much of every day consumed by thoughts of food, weight, and how much I hate cellulite.
So, I am going to take a break. Not a free-for-all “let’s eat until I burst” break, but rather a “let’s think about something other than my soft rear for more than three minutes each day” break.
I am going to use the tools I’ve found to be helpful (ie: vegetables are neat, ranch dressing is fun but not everyday, and it probably isn’t a good idea to leave freshly baked cookies on the counter on a very regular basis) and I am going to keep exercising (really, I have felt so good getting back to some physical activity and will keep up with my 10k running program not because I think it will help me get skinny but because I feel so energized after my jog).
I do still want to lose weight, but I just know that I need some time away from the manic Point counting. Hungry Mondays will commence again when, well, when I feel like it.
Until then, ciao*.
*Pun intended.
38 Comments
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Good for you. It’s so easy to get obsessed over weight, when really it’s your health that matters. Also, seriously, you look lovely in all your pictures. You should do what you need to do to stay healthy, keep your energy up, whatever, but losing a size shouldn’t be a priority.
Agreed, good for you. You look amazing this soon after your daughter was born.
Good for you. I must say, that I think you have done a wonderful job and that your posts on weight loss have been very inspirational. I lost about 43 lbs in 2007 and 2008, but the last few months have been really rough and I’ve gained about 17 lbs back. i’m feeling horrible about myself and i can’t seem to get back on track. i’ve been on the bodiesinmotivation blog/site alot looking for motivation, and i’ve started the 30-day shred DVD. Thanks for your posts and putting your feelings out there – so I know i’m not alone in the constant struggle.
Hi Amanda…
Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share what’s REALLY going on in Amanda-land. I think that’s what people truely find inspiring. When we check in and realise “hey – I’m not alone” our readings turn into serious community :)
You have an amazing gift for writing – maybe this is a subject you’ll dive into again? I mean the sugject of women and their body-image… not the subject of “weight” in general.
hope you have a fantastic day :) We have some sun peeking out here on the west coast, hope it’s spreadin’ out your way.
Good for you, Amanda. You just had 2 babies. Your body has been working hard doing amazing things. Letting go of the pressure you feel is, in the long run, good for you and for your girls!
I too echo all of the sentiments posted above.
You look fab!…
One thing though… and then I’ll shut up.
You’ve mentioned going to bed hungry before. Could I encourage you to practice intuitive eating? Eating when you’re 10 hungry instead of when you’re at a 5 or even eating just because it sounds good.
I have a lot of weight to lose so I’m in no way an expert, but I do realize that I eat when I’m not hungry and when we eat when our body doesn’t need the food whether that food is healthy or not it makes it harder to be where we need to be weight wise.
:-)
You are beautiful and I hope you can focus on the good things and not your weight, don’t let it consume you. Good luck and enjoy life.
YES!
I’m so so proud of you Amanda. I really proud that you’ve discovered that it’s time to take a step back and take a break. It’ll do you good.
Good for you Amanda, for being kind to yourself and for taking a break when you need one. I will miss getting ispiration from you, but I’m happy for you too.
This is a good thing, Amanda. I’m proud of you.
I’m extra sad I missed out on coming on Friday, because it sounds like the conversation was a good one. I concur that NONE of those women are overweight. Or even close.
That’s really powerful! How consistent the theme is among these women — their parents had body image or weight issues, and it carried on to their daughters.
Taking time off to refocus is fantastic!
Oh, sweetie, I am so glad to hear you say that. I have seen your struggle and have felt a mother’s guilt that I caused it all. You have seen my struggle (for those of you that don’t know me, I am an obese woman who has been overweight since a child, except for 2 short years of starvation dieting.I have also struggled with my sense of self worth related to body image as long as I can remember–theres another long story there) and I’m afraid that despite my best interests I passed it on to you.I have only recently come to an uneasy peace and truce with my size and shape. I am determined to live with this body in the best way possible.I will eat healthily, but allow some “fun” food occasionally (not always successful there ),will dress as attractively and with as much flair as Regina allows (oh, how i wish there were more fat lady shops here!),be moderately active (walking),and just generally living a rich and rewarding life. In my experience (I’m 53)it’s harder for young women,because our society places such an unhealthy pressure to be young,thin,sexy(only possible if you are thin),in a mostly unrealistic manner.I think it’s easier for older women,but then I never felt I had the body beautiful,so I didn’t have so much to lose. I know many older women struggle a lot with the changes of aging, and losing their youthful shape and beauty.As I age I have realized that life is much more than how you look.I have found that the really important things in life don’t have a lot to do with how I look.I still struggle with this too,but I want to live a life grateful for a body that can move me around,that can hug my precious granbabies,that I can contribute to the lives of my precious loved ones and valued friends,that can celebrate the blessings that God has given me, that can rejoice over the trials in life that God helped me through,that can, in faith, trust His Power to get me through whatever future struggles I may face,and generally live a rich and fulfilling life for as many days as He gives me. My motivation now is to live more healthily in order to see my grandchildren grow,and to be a part of their lives. Life is too short to waste it on things that aren’t that important or helpful. I regret that I didn,t do this well when you were youger,and I’m sorry for how I have contributed to your struggle. Learn from my mistakes. You are beautiful as you always have been.Love you.
That actually sounds quite wonderful. Good for you! I actually don’t know one woman who is happy with her body, but wouldn’t it be great if we all tried a little more to stop worrying about it?
Thank you.
Thank you so much for writing that! I needed to hear those words. I’m leaving today on a great trip to Germany and I find myself obsessed with my weight and how I look. Instead of treasuring this opportunity I’m worried about my appearance! How ridiculous and so far from the heart of God! This has been a struggle for me as well since I was a teen. Reading your blog has been so refreshing for me. I remember meeting you at Capes and thinking you were so beautiful! It is always incredible how hard we are on ourselves. May we all hear God whispering “Beloved” and commit to refining our hearts instead of obsessing over image. You spoke words of truth today and I am grateful :)
I have struggled best part of my life with weight after having my children. The more I dieted the more I gained. I finally smartened up and just decided to enjoy my life and not worry so much about what I weigh but what kind of person I am. Learn to love yourself and look in the mirror and say “I love you” don’t look at your flaws or what it could be, just love what you are, you are unique!
Your Mom is very smart and knows what it is all about. Listen to her (I too wish there were more fat lady shops here).
I’m about the same age as your Mom and also have a daughter your age. (No grandchildren…yet) We know all what your going through, been there done that. Just be happy, enjoy your children, enjoy life, and live healthy, it all comes together. You will see.
thank you! this was a good reminder to me – I’m still watching the scale even though I’m back in my pre-kid clothes. It can get into a nasty habit when really we all look pretty good.
Thank goodness! Back to posts on the orchards, the kids, Steve, and Rolo! Cheers to that!
Amen! I am so happy you finally came to this realization. I have been reading your blog for a long time and I always thought you obsessed a lot about your weight. You look amazing and deserve to feel good about yourself. So bravo to you!!
What a wonderful Mom you have, Amanda!
Good for you for making this choice. I know it is really hard to completely change your way of thinking but I think it’s great that you are making the effort to find balance.
I am so happy for you! Good luck in your new frame of mind. please keep us informed on how much better life is on the otherside…:)
Way to go Amanda! I’m really happy to read you’re taking a break.
Like the others before me have said, you look awesome post baby. Don’t be too hard on yourself and give yourself a pat on the back for coming so far so soon. :oD
I agree – if you aren’t enjoying yourself then you need to re-evaluate. Not that you are supposed to *enjoy* dieting I suppose – but if it is stressing you out so much then it isn’t working.
Also, every time I see a photo of you I think you look amazing!
It took courage for you to write this!
You are an amazing girl Amanda. . . and you are a gifted writer! i can’t wait for more stories of life on the farm. :) my love, Kaile
I think it’s a fantastic idea for you to take a little break from the points-counting. I think you’ve been doing an amazing job, and you are stunning as you are :) Keep up with the positive thinking, I find it helps a lot too!
Good for you!!! I’m in the same place in life… just had my 3rd in Oct and 10 pounds to go. And as I’m reading this I ate 4 cookies, make that 5 :)
I only know you from your pictures – on this blog. You’re beautiful! You have style! You have two beautiful babies and a loving husband. You are gifted in your writing. You have such a delightful sense of humor.
You’re beautiful in everyway!
Hang in!
~Mad(elyn) in Alabama
Good for you! Your post really hit home and I want to thank you for encouraging me today!
Amen. I’ve been waiting a long time for this post. Start living!
Amanda,
I found your blog through a link on another blog and have been following it for a couple months. You are such a funny and interesting writer. I’m sure you a wonderful person to know and be friends with. I have admired your drive to be healthy and fit, but I was really happy to see your post today. I’ve spent my fair share of time obsessing about weight and it never brought me happiness. Being healthy matters to me, so being conscious of my weight is important…but allowing it to consume me is not OK with me anymore. I appreciate your honesty so very much and think that many women relate to what you are going through (including me!).
Good for you. I think it’s healthy to take a break. Especailly when you have so much on your plate already (2 kids). The most important thing is health and that includes emotional health.
My baby is eight months old and I’ve only just gotten serious again about weight loss in the last month after taking a couple months off. It was nice to just relax and get used to my new family dynamic.
Congratulations on prioritizing your health physical mental! Be kind to yourself and focus on all the wonderful things you are!
I just read about your potty problems. My oldest would NOT poo in the potty. She would pee in it, and wear panties. But when she wanted to poo she would bring a diaper and want it on.
Eventually we figured out (I do not remember how because at the time I had two smaller than her and, well, I don’t know how I survived.) she would use the toilet if we laid toilet paper across the top of the water. Is that crazy or what? Potty chair, not happening.Big potty with no splash potential and she was fine.
Things could be worse. It could be you soiling your clothes.
Good for you Amanda. I think there is something to be said for the effect mom’s have on their daughters, and you’ve got 2 to worry about. If they see you eating different things all the time, it might eventually cause them to worry about why they aren’t eating those things too, and are they going to get fat b/c they don’t eat the stuff mom is eating?
There is something to be said for teaching your children nutrition, but health and well being isn’t a number on a scale. And looking good isn’t a number on a scale either. Like you said about that first woman, it’s about how you carry yourself. With confidence, and self-worth. I think you’ve just struck gold, in the balance between physical and mental health. I don’t think you’re putting one ahead of the other at all right now. Like you said, you’ll be conscious of what you’re putting in your mouth, and still be active, and that’s all you can do. Life’s too short, right? And for goodness sakes, throw that scale away!!!! :)
Good for you Amanda! It is so easy to make ourselves crazy isn’t it? I can so relate to what you have said here.
I echo what everyone else has said and say do what you need to do! I went through a similar phase after having Stella. What finally made things click for me was reading “The four day win” by martha beck. It is so not a diet book, it is totally about the mind games we play with ourselves when we are trying to lose weight and how to get out of that cycle. This book is totally about the mental side of making peace with our bodies, but I promise it isn’t fluffy positive self esteem-y kind of talk that is nauseating to read- it is really really good.
Oh how your struggles with body image hit home for me. I too grew up in a household where my mother was constantly dieting, obsessed over how “fat” she was at 127 lbs. As a result, I too grew up on diets, always an overweight child and then an overweight adult. I have always struggled with self-esteem issues as a result. Being thin was very important in my family, negative comments always followed family dinners, clothes shopping became a nightmare. Now, in my thirties with two little girls, I worry about their weights, not wanting them to experience the pain of growing up overweight. I would do anything to spare them the teasing and shame I experienced as a child. When it comes to my daughter’s eating, I don’t nag or scold, don’t reward with food and don’t force her to eat stuff she doesn’t want to eat. So far it’s working. Food is no big deal to her and I hope it stays that way. It’s amazing the hold over us as women the images of supermodel thin and artificially enhanced bodies has. I applaud you for deciding enough is enough. You are a beautiful young woman and I know how difficult it can be to ignore the voices in your head that tell you that you’re not thin enough, not good enough. You are perfect the way you are. Start turning your internal voice down and turn up the volume of the people who truly see you for who you really are, a curvy, self-assured, beautiful woman with a fantastic smile. Believe it. Live it. Rejoice in it.
Good for you!
Recently my husband finally decided to lose the weight he had gained through my pregnancies…it was a pretty big number considering he could account for the 10-pound babies that I could.
Anyway, when he set out he requested that I find “healthy” dinners we could all eat instead of feeling left out of the family meal. And as much as I thought there is no way I could do…I did. And, so I fell in love with Cooking Light magazine. They have a section for meals in 20 minutes and it’s the only section I use!
I know how hard dieting and setting a good example can be. Bravo to you for following your heart!
Good for you! That’s wonderful!
I think that as long as you’re happy with yourself and you’re healthy, the rest is just details. It sounds like you’re making this decision with your best interests in mind – and probably the best interests of your family too. So all the power to you; I hope you enjoy the Hungry Mondays break!
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