My girl is a-growing and guzzling more and more milk each day. I have been pumping every 4-5 hours and have been producing about 24 ounces in a day. The thing is, Avelyn is now drinking about 30 ounces a day. I have been filling the gaps with breastmilk that I froze in the first few weeks when my footballish and engorged mammaries were spewing milk like uncorked champagne bottles. But I only have a little bit of frozen milk left and am coming to grips with the notion of supplementing her with a bottle or two of formula. For all my talk of "it doesn’t matter what you feed your baby so long as she’s thriving," I am being forced to eat those words. I feel like I have worked so hard to make sure Avelyn has breast milk and now it’s as though all of those efforts were insufficient, as though I am insufficient.
I know that I could start pumping more frequently but already my life is ruled by the clock and the need to pump. I can’t go out shopping for more than a few hours before my jugs are ready to pop. I know that if I were nursing I would be spending a huge part of every day feeding my baby but a baby is portable and nursing in public is socially acceptable. I have yet to find a mom in the food court of a mall with her electric breast pump hooked up and both boobs being drained while she sips her soda.
Maybe I could be the first.
But I don’t really want to be.
Avelyn will still be getting about 80% breastmilk and I know I shouldn’t be so bothered by the thought of introducing a few ounces of formula.
Oh, motherhood.
The guilt is delicious.
24 Comments
Have you tried her at breastfeeding lately? Don’t worry if she gets a little formula. Pumping and feeding is exhausting long term. Good for you for keeping it up this long.
Avelyn is so lucky to have a mom that cares for her so much! You are a great mother!
Ask Kaili what you should do. Isn’t she a breast feeding consultant. Don’t give up. Not only is it best for Avelyn but if you breast feed for 6 months or longer it offers you some protection from breast cancer yourself. Hang in there.
Whew! I am in awe of your purely pumping mothering. I couldn’t do it. Good for you.
I was given strictly formula as a baby, and I’m pretty normal :)
You do whatever works for you, Amanda, and don’t feel guilty. You’re a GREAT Mommy!
I know what its like to feel that guilt Amanda. I think it usually takes a mother a week or so to be able to produce more when her baby starts needing more. If you have the time & the patience you might just need to stimulate those boobies a few minutes longer when you pump to get more. Meanwhile, try the formula. Or just start formula. Whatever amount of breastfeeding you can do for your baby is great. You’ve done wonderfully. I was only able to pump 2 oz at a time & Micah needed 4-6 oz so that’s why I didn’t do the pumping thing. I’m “proud” of you. Good job! Mother Avelyn guilt free.
Along with the all the blessings & joys of motherhood comes that life-long burden of “mother guilt” Don’t fret; you’ve done a tremendous job of perservering with the pump & supplied our beauty with the perfect milk & if you have to supplement her so be it. Just look at her; she’s thriving!!!
Enjoy Grey’s tonight & live GUILT FREE!!
I started giving Caleb formula regularly in the evenings when he was about 4 months. We were always out and either left him with a sitter or in a bad place to nurse him..(good news is that it takes longer to digest, so they sleep longer)… he still gets one bottle of formula every night and the rest boob juice. It has worked for me and Caleb loves his bottle.
The guilt thing, I hate it I thought it would be over when I finished nursing/formula feeding but it isn’t now I worry that I don’t cook healthy enough for them. Breastfeeding I feel is great but maybe a little over rated. I like the comment from Angela, I was also formula fed and I’m quite healthy.
Michelle’s comment about not giving up seems a bit out of place to me – you’ve already scaled mountains to give Avelyn the best start you can and I’m so impressed with you. She will do fine on a wee bit of formula because she’ll still be getting her breastmilk most of the time. (Actually she’d do fine on formula all the time, but you’re not faced with that choice).
And your comment about not being able to go out for any length of time really hit home – wow, you’ve done amazing to get this far!
I’m agonizing about having to give Duncan food at 4 months instead of the recommended 6 and half of the people I talk to are very discouraging. Fortunately the other half realize that (i) every baby and mum are different and (ii) it’s not that critical what we do and are supporting me right now. Still even though to Doctor’s told me to put him on cereal, we keep postponing it for a few days…
May as well start the guilt train off now, it’s got a long journey ahead (I’m 5.5 years in and it’s only getting faster!)
80% when you’re a pumping mum is pretty bloody impressive. Good on you.
I know your pain oh so well…With our triplets it seemed as though I had enough milk to feed 2 sets of triplets! But this time around we’re struggling to get enough milk just for one of the girls :( And unfortunately she NEEDS the BM b/c of a formula allergy… Not that you needed to know all of that, but just know I sympathize! Incidentally, I started on a new supplement from http://www.motherlove.com called More Milk Special Blend, and it’s pretty fabulous. I think my supply has increased by at least 50%… Just a thought if you’re interested!! Good Luck!
You know, for me it was simply that I never could pump enough to leave the house without the babe. I believe I never got more than a couple of ounces for twenty minutes of pumping. (not to mention a toddler who wanted to “help” with the pumping process, sigh . . ) I finally broke down and let baby have formula with daddy sometimes so I could have those few hours away. We were still mostly breastfeeding but I had my little bit of quiet time.
Like other people have said, you’re still doing mostly breast, and with having to pump that’s amazing, really truely. I could never have done it. You should be proud.
The pump and I are not friends, and I am actually taking pills to increase my milk supply as Lauren is no longer getting enough from me. (The same thing has happened to me before). She is just 7 weeks so I am having a hard time with it. She has had a few bottles of formula. I hope it works, but I am already having to break out the Good Start. The point is: You’ve got to do what works…for both of you. Because that IS what’s best for your sweet girl!
I’ve read in books, heard from friends, and heard from my Doctor that starting baby on cereal at 4 months is normal. You can wait to six though. I started at 4. I’ve never heard a bad comment about it. I waited until about 5.5 months to introduce other foods. Caleb is 10 months old and he eats everything now, except milk, eggs and sweets. I can blend up most dinners that I make and he loves it. It’s fantastic becuase he’s getting my boobjuice AND four food groups. That can’t be bad at all.
I’ve heard of something called Motilium that is supposed to increase milk production AND keep you regular.. in case you were interested, I know a mom-user
Not only were many normal people formula fed, but many geniuses as well. You’re a kick-butt mommy because you care so much. I think it’s awesome that you have put so much effort into pumping for her. Do whatever YOU (and Steve maybe) think is best for Avelyn and tell the rest of the world where to shove it.
In a nice way, of course.
Well, because I’m the perfect mom you should heed my advice and just give up now as you’ll never live up to my amazing standards of motherhood. Revel in your guilt and try to live up to me and my unattainable standards. As you have seen first hand that my children are ALWAYS amazing and NEVER freaking out. You might as well just give Avelyn to me to raise…
She’ll have much less violent and traumatic childhood. Especially since Megan has decided it’s a good idea to put her baby dolls down the vents.
Hey, I think you’re doing great of course, but I had a thought I thought I’d pass on. I totally know the guilt feeling of doing the formula thing, and the most important part isn’t what you’re feeding but how you feel about it. So if in your heart of hearts you’re good with it, go for it. But in case it’s something that you really don’t want to do, have you thought about introducing rice cereal? I know the current literature says no solids until 6 months, but growing up all I remember is mother’s saying they couldn’t keep their babies full so they started rice cereal. We started Belle at four months and she took to it like a fish to water. I don’t know if you’ve already made up your mind and are at peace that you really are doing what’s best for your little one, (which by the way is whatever you choose I think), but if not maybe it’s something you could ask your health care provider about. I wont hold the pump while you use it, but I’ll sure pat your back on the journey!!
There’s so much stress in our society to be perfect, to reach this unattainable standard. Everyone knows about this mother hand book that some how everything you do is disagreed upon by about 50% of the people out there. Usually followed by an unwanted coment from the peanut gallery. Doctors too have different opinions. With my first baby I tried long and hard to reach that list of perfection, with allot of peanut comments. Some were helpful others were very unwanted. Your first child is hard. I was unsure of how to handle cretin situations and peanuts, books and doctors seemed to be conflicting. By the third I couldn’t give a crap about it. That peanut gallery is still throwing comments at me but now I make peanut butter, Yummy. :) I have realized that parenthood is different in every household. Every family has different rules and handles things differently, finding what works for you is the greatest advice I have ever received.
I’m so awed at your pumping. The stupid thing wouldn’t work for me, I had to sqeeze by hand if I needed a little extra relief and that took ages for just a couple oz.
Everyone has said many great things so the only advice I’ll give is do what YOU want to do and don’t stress about it. When my first was a baby I got so much advice I didn’t need or want from women who thought they knew best. With my second I just learned to keep my mouth shut about what I was doing, and that way I didn’t need to subject myself to stupid opinions. Less guilt that way too. If no one tells you something is wrong how can you feel bad about it?
I admire your persistence. I too feel very passionately about breastfeeding/breastmilk, and I’ve worried about alot of the same things you have talked about.
I agree that Avelyn is one lucky baby to have a mom who cares so much about her. I hope you find the right balance what works best for you, and when it’s my turn to walk in your shoes, I’ll be sure to come back here desperately trying to figure out how you did it.
Ok, I am comment on your newest entry too, but I just wanted to say that I think you are amazing Amanada. I hate the constant turmoil that mothers face, wondering if their decisions are the right ones or the wrong ones. ANd then the pressures that we feel because others may believe that the decision we made was the wrong one. Breat feeding is just the beginning. I felt the same pressures with taking medicine for morning sickness, to be around second hand smoke, if one glass of wine would be ok during pregnancy, to circumcise Kynan, to pump or to rely on Kynan, to give him formula when I couldn’t pump enough, to immunize him or not, and then with his lung condition- to give him traditional medicines or to go it naturally. All these things constantly plaguing my mind, and I hope, many other moms. The important thing to remember is you are not alone and as women, as mothers, we need to support one another. My confession to you is… there was many of a time when I would be in the mall bathroom pumping up a storm. LOL!
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