I find myself pulling away from this space.

When I first started blogging, over four years ago, I think I might have had some teeny, tiny dreams of making it big as a writer, finding a paid gig online somewhere, or at the very least becoming friends with all the cool, big-name bloggers I loved to read. In those early days I commented on a lot of blogs, and made some connections with writers whose work I really admired. I assumed that I would go to BlogHer and we’d all hang out and become friends and keep in touch over the year, then meet at BlogHer again and wear McDonald’s bags on our heads and take funny pictures. But for various reasons over the past four years I have never been able to attend BlogHer and I have become totally OK with that. Realistically it would cost close to $2000 for me to go to the conference in New York next year and while I could start saving money now and begging Steve to let me go, the truth of the matter is that there are other things I would rather spend that cash on first: a trip somewhere with my husband, replacing the lavender toilet in our downstairs bathroom with something from this decade, or a shopping get-away with close friends. I know that people who have gone to BlogHer and met their blogging friends in real life experience true friendship bonds with those people, but since I have yet to experience it for myself I don’t really know what I’m missing, and I think it just might stay that way. This is not to say that I wouldn’t love to meet some of the really cool folks whose blogs I have read for years, and if they ever felt the desire to visit the Okanagan I would be thrilled.

But… 

I haven’t been as driven to be a part of the online community. When I go a week without posting, I don’t feel the itch to write and share anymore. Perhaps this is a phase, a summer slump. Or maybe it’s the beginning of the end of this blog.  I don’t know. 

I don’t mean to get all blog crisis-y on you, but just wanted you to know what’s been swirling around this head of mine as of late.

I’m guest posting today at The Daily Grommet about how I’m having relationship problems*.

*With my dog.

My second article is up at Work It Mom.  Feel free to take a gander.

The BlogHer 2009 Conference location was announced on Monday.  I eagerly clicked onto the site to hear the news:  Chicago.  Great!  Seems like a cool city, one I’ve never been to.  I scrolled down the page to read more details about the venue.  Then my eyes fell on a phrase that made my heart slump down to my feet:  “Join us this July 24-25…”  What?!  They had originally advertised the date as July 17-19, which would have been perfect.  However, on July 25 of next year I will be attending a very important wedding, one that I wouldn’t miss for the world.  Steve’s sister is marrying her beau (who just happens to be a model for Koodo Mobile:  click here to see him in action; he’s the black guy in the middle in the 80’s snowsuit…just click, you need to see it to believe it.)  So, it seems as though I am simply not meant to attend BlogHer.  Last year it was the impossibility of getting health insurance while pregnant, the year before I had a two day-old infant, the year before that we didn’t have the cash…what’s the deal?!  I was sure that this was my year.  Owell, I’m over it (kinda).  It’s one of those situations that can’t be changed, so I just need to roll with it (and pour the money I had been planning to spend on the conference into a new wardrobe from J. Crew).

Avelyn gets to be a flower girl in the wedding this July, and that thought alone makes everything OK.  She is going to be so adorable, and, most likely, uncooperative, so that will make for some great photo opportunities.

Here’s a quick picture of my two lovelies.  They love each other, and I love that.

You know what’s the best thing to start your day with?  An early morning email from Brenda with a funny banner she made just for you.  Really, she’s the best.  So thoughtful and talented.  Thanks for the laugh, SAJ.

You know what?  I love you, readers.

(All of you except the lame guy who keeps leaving comments about my big nose.  I can smell you from here, Mr. Mean, and you STINK.)

My brother was talking the other day about how this blog has become a support group for me and if I’m ever having a down day or feeling chubby and ugly or wondering if I’m a bad mom or feeling unhappy with my life you guys rally with cheers of, “You’re so beautiful!  And skinny!  And a fantastic mom!  And we love you!”

I just wanted to say thanks for the collective back-patting that you so consistently dish out.

I am back on track, Weight Watchers-wise.  It helps having my very health-conscious brother in the house.  As I’m reaching for my second helping of pasta he’ll grill me with a “How many Points is in that?!” question and I’ll sheepishly slink away from the table.  It’s like having a live-in personal trainer and I seem to be responding well to some external discipline.

Last night we watched Blades of Glory and tonight (after we weed my “garden”) we’re going to screen Nacho Libre.  We are beyond classy.

Avelyn is presently writhing in her high chair, spewing regurgitated hunks of cucumber from her angry lips.  So.  I guess I should go be a mom or something.

Can I just say that I hate the word “tweak”?

As you can see, I’m playing around with some new banners again.  Bear with me, folks.  You’ll all get to witness my ascent to greatness and in a few years we can look back at these rudimentary beginnings and laugh about them.  Until then, pretend you like them.

I have many random tidbits to share with you so, in no particular order, here they are:

I am having a hard time sticking to Weight Watchers.  I hate this.  I am so good and disciplined all week long but when Friday night hits I’m all, “Flex Points, here we come!” That would be fine, if I actually stayed within the confines of the (measly) 35 flex points I’m allotted each week.  But I haven’t been doing that.  See, I’m the kind of person who reasons, “Well, I’m already a few points over my limit…all hope is lost.  May as well go waaay over and get back on track tomorrow.”  That same kind of reasoning is like saying, “Well, I’ve got a flat tire.  May as well slash the other three since I’m already stuck.”  This is bad.  I always feel terrible about myself and like I’m failing.  I know I can do this, I know I can stick with it.  I have never been this close to my goal weight before and I don’t want to give up now.  So, any words of wisdom from people who’ve been there or are struggling with the same thing?  Short of blogging about every point I consume, should I maybe look for some accountability here on my site and tell you about my weekly weigh-ins so I’ll be more motivated to stick with the plan since the shame of blogging, “I gained 12 pounds this week” would simply be too great?  Or would you rather not hear about such mundane details?

 I am finally done working full-time and have resumed my regular Monday shift.  This is lovely.  It was really great to be back with the staff but it’s going to be even better to be back with my Turkey Lips.

My brother is here visiting from the prairies and we’re having a jolly good time.  He’s such a ham and always makes Avelyn laugh.   We have plans to do some winery tours, watch Blades of Glory upon its DVD release tomorrow, and well, that’s about it.

May all your Mondays be beautiful ones.

Thanks for your support regarding my excuse for a banner.  I promise to keep trying until I get something cool(er).

Until then, enjoy the beauty above.

Creativity is a good thing.  It can prompt one to sew pillows and paint cupcakes on canvass.  Creativity also has its limits.  Just because one can sew pillows and paint cupcakes does NOT mean one should try to make her own banner for her blog.

Wow, that thing’s ugly.

Owell, I made it myself, I remembered how to ftp it to my site and I am proud.  Don’t fear, I’ll take it down in a day or two when I get tired of the wretchedness of it.  Then I’ll go back to my very cool banner designed by Secret Agent Josephine.

She is everything I’ll never be.

Amanda: (inner monologue) This is so cool! I’m meeting this cool blogger for the first time. I hope she doesn’t think I’m lame. This awkward smile and flash of my double chin should help make a good first impression.

Christina: Nice to meet you guys!

Angella: Weeeee! I like diet coke. Oh yeah, nice to meet you too!

This was a new experience for me. It was the first time I had ever met someone with whom my sole contact had been through blogging. I’ve been reading Red Dirt Road for over a year and Christina is the wonderful woman who redesigned my template, made me a smokin’ banner and is always quick to answer my elementary questions about html and the intronet.

The photos on her blog don’t do her justice. She is foxy, people. And warm and kind and great with kids. I am glad to have met you, Tina! Thanks for looking us up and we’ll be sure to do the same if we’re ever up your way.