I did a farewell post at Bodies In Motivation. Check in here to see where my weight loss journey has taken me.

I am entirely prepared for this week to BLOW.  Bah-LOE.  Here is what I have planned: we are stripping away the layers of Jolie’s swaddle, the tight little burrito-wrap is gone and she’s not too pleased.  And we are also doing a little sleep training (a modified Baby Whisperer approach, which means I was up about 10 times last night going in to comfort her). And I am also starting Weight Watchers again today.  Basically, I am going to be hungry, grumpy and deliriously tired.  Nice combo.

I have just had enough of feeding Jolie repeatedly in the night and sleeping with her on a mattress in her nursery when she was fussy.  She is a tank of a kid and is now getting a lot of solid food during the day, so I know she doesn’t need the night-time calories. And she is nearly seven months old and is ready to learn how to soothe herself a little more.  So, as I mentioned, we are taking steps to getting her to sleep through the night.  Last night I let her cry for 3-5 minute increments and then would go in to comfort her.  It was OK, but I was awake a lot, listening for her cries.  As far as the Swaddle Intervention goes, we figured there was no point doing sleep training with the swaddle and then having to break her of it later.  We are ripping off the proverbial band-aid in one swift pull.  The thing is, I think the band-aid is on my bikini line because THIS REALLY HURTS.

As far as the Weight Watchers thing goes, well, here’s the deal.  I wrote a couple months ago about how I needed to step back from my focus on weight loss and think about how to really care for my body’s health and portray a positive example for our girls.  During that time I started exercising again, purely for health’s sake and for the endorphins I had been missing, and I ate what I pleased.  I neither gained nor lost weight and was feeling mentally strong.  I have come to realize that my body wants to weigh 150 pounds; I have German blood in me that has given me thick arms and a wide bottom.  But I am not happy at 150.  It’s as simple as that.  So, I am going to lose 15 pounds.  I am not going to obsess, and I am not going to blog about it.  I am going to continue exercising and make whole food choices when I can.  The break I took from WW was good for me; I had time to think and plan and I feel like this is what I need to do.

She’s got the same Rabbi-ish sideburns her sister did.  Classy!

“Behind these hazel eyes…”

This week’s going to be a doozy, but we’re gonna make it after all.

Last Friday I found myself sitting around a table with a few women from different age groups and walks of life.  The conversation turned to that of weight and body image and our personal experiences in both matters.

A woman in her forties confided, “I was always the fat sister in a family where thinness was held in high regard. I have never been at the weight I wanted to be, but I have wasted the past 20 years trying to get there. I wonder how much time I’ve wasted worrying about my weight and food, and how I’ve cheated myself and others from so much as a result.”  This woman is beautiful.  I have always thought she carried herself with a regal air, and she is not at all overweight.

Another woman spoke, “Growing up, my mom was always unhappy with how she looked.  She was always griping about her weight and going on a new diet.  Now I find that I’m the say way.”

One shared, “When I was 15 and rail-thin I was wearing a top that showed off a hint of my midriff and I’ll never forget my mother telling me that it was time I started doing some stomach crunches.”

I had some real thinking to do.

My struggles with eating began when I was 16.  If you do the math, it’s been ten years since then and in that decade there have only been a few tiny slivers of time when I have actually felt happy with my weight.  The rest of the time I have either been dieting, or starving, or crazily exercising, or overeating, or swinging madly between all of the extremes.  When I did Weight Watchers two years ago, it was one of the best things I’ve ever done: it taught me about nutrition and what it really means to eat a balanced and healthy diet.  It’s a good program, but I feel like I kind of let it get away on me this time.  Far too much of my time and energy has been spent focused on my weight and on the foods I’m eating or not eating.  When I weigh myself in the mornings, the number determines my mood for the day and I don’t like that.  It’s been months since I’ve sat down for a meal with my family and eaten the same thing they have.

I need some time off.  To stop writing about weight loss.  To stop thinking that life will really start when I lose those last ten pounds.  To stop spending so much of every day consumed by thoughts of food, weight, and how much I hate cellulite.

So, I am going to take a break.  Not a free-for-all “let’s eat until I burst” break, but rather a “let’s think about something other than my soft rear for more than three minutes each day” break.

I am going to use the tools I’ve found to be helpful (ie: vegetables are neat, ranch dressing is fun but not everyday, and it probably isn’t a good idea to leave freshly baked cookies on the counter on a very regular basis) and I am going to keep exercising (really, I have felt so good getting back to some physical activity and will keep up with my 10k running program not because I think it will help me get skinny but because I feel so energized after my jog).

I do still want to lose weight, but I just know that I need some time away from the manic Point counting.  Hungry Mondays will commence again when, well, when I feel like it.

Until then, ciao*.

*Pun intended.

Stats:

Last week: 146

This week: 146

This body of mine is one confusing being.  I totally blew it this weekend!  My first real face-plant off the WWagon in a very long time and I made it count.  I went out to dinner with a friend to my favourite restaurant, Boston Pizza (I know. It’s not the classiest choice but have you tried their Garlic Twist Bread with Alfredo dipping sauce? Or their Cactus Cut Nachos? Or their Thai Chicken Bites?  If not, no judging [And yes, that is what we ordered, you nosy beasts]! ) and we filled our faces with carby, cheesy delights which I’m certain went over my allotted Flex Points.  It was divine.  But instead of getting back on track the following day, I, well, I kept on eating whatever I wanted.  Nothing too crazy but there was more peanut butter involved than there should have been.  When I stepped on the scale this morning I was fully anticipating a few pounds gain, but it hadn’t budged.  What the heck?!  Don’t get me wrong, I was pleased.  But it’s just so strange to me that sometimes I will be so diligent about not going over my Points and I’ll still see no weight loss, but then when I throw caution to the (carby) wind the same thing happens.  Makes me feel like I should ram my mouth full of Boston Pizza every week since it does no harm. I know it would catch up with me eventually, but for today I am happy to have not lost any ground in my weight loss journey.

This morning for breakfast I poured myself a bowl of multigrain cheerios and my stomach (and thighs) will thank me for it.  Back on track, re-welcomed to the WWagon, and it feels good.  I’ve got my eyes on 140 and my goal is to be there by the beginning of March, so I had better hop to it!

Stats:

Last week: 146

This week: 146

This week blew phlegmy chunks.  Literally.  We’ve all been sick and I am exhausted.  I caught some weird strain of the flu that left me without appetite for a good part of the week, then when it returned I didn’t bother counting Points since I was too wasted from taking care of coughing, barfing grumpy kids all week to care what I was ramming down my maw.  I am back on track again this week and will hopefully be back to report that my kids are healthy and I am so skinnnnneeee!

*insert rattling, wet chest cough of both children here, followed by a pathetic wail of “Mommmeeee!”*

Gotta run!

Stats:

Last week: 148

This week: 146

Hurrah!  Another pleasing week.  Even with Christy’s company I managed to keep losing since we, for the most part, kept one another on track.  There was a lot of diet coke and edamame going on, but we used our Flex Points gloriously on the weekend when we went out to dinner and celebrated Ange’s birthday.   (For those wondering I had a pesto chicken quesadilla, skinny fries and lettuce wraps, all of which were straight from heaven.)

While this journey is slow, I am thankful for results.  It feels good to set a goal and watch yourself near it.

Same time next week, weight stalkers!

Read about my (lame) excuses for not exercising at my latest post at Bodies In Motivation.

Stats:

Last week: 149

This week: 149.75  (but who’s counting?)

After a three-week break from Weight Watchers to celebrate the holidays, I am back to counting my Points and it feels great.  The Christmas break was wonderful and I really let myself enjoy the family, friends and food to their fullest.  I am very pleased that I maintained my loss while still savouring the festive goodies.  I thought I would really have to work hard to reign myself in and not go crazy around the sweets, but it was very easy to eat moderately; I didn’t have the desire to stuff myself silly.  This is progress, people!

I am anticipating a hungry/grumpy week as I get back on track and my body goes through shortbread withdrawl, but I feel so ready to get back on track and inch closer to my goal in the New Year.

Happy (almost) ‘09!

Stats:

Last week: 150

This week: 149

Remember how I said that I was going to stick with Weight Watchers this past week and then take it easy for the rest of December to enjoy the holidays in moderation?  Well, I made it to Tuesday morning before I decided, “Life’s too short!  The time for cookies is upon us!” and I spent the rest of the week eating whatever I pleased.  And I lost a pound.  What the heck?!  I plateaued for the previous two weeks while noshing on rice cakes and then when I gently toss in the towel and embrace the beauty of the Nanaimo bar, I lose a pound?!  I’m not going to fight it.

My mindset feels so different.  Instead of facing a holiday event or party thinking, “I just have to make it through without eating anything bad,” I am actually enjoying the events without focusing on my self-imposed deprivation.  Again, I have been careful to not overeat: when my panini was half-eaten and I felt full, I didn’t ram the remaining half down just for the fun of it; I put it down and stepped away.  And I’ve been having a sweet treat or two when the urge hits, but only when I’m truly hungry and I make sure to savour them and not head back for more when I’m satisfied.

I plan to get back to Weight Watchers after this glorious Christmas week has passed, but until then I am having a jolly good romp with the shortbread!  Merry Christmas, all!

I am thrilled to be one of the feature bloggers at Linda’s new fitness site, Bodies In Motivation.  Check out my first post here (brace yourselves, I’m wearing spandex).